Dating a single man with kids
Don't Be Their Friend Just as with any old parent-child relationship, it's a bad idea to try to be "friends" with your significant other's child.
It's easy to want to impress them and be that cool, new person in their life, but they need the structure, seriousness, and guidance that only adults can provide. (Even when it totally doesn't feel like it.) Lay the Smack Down Early My boyfriend was a supreme joker, so it came naturally that his child was, too. I was afraid of p*ssing off my boyfriend, but he was fine with it. The boy was a little pins-and-needles with me for a few hours afterward, but he soon got over it and life went back to normal. Don't try this move too soon, but don't wait too long, either. It's one thing to have your boyfriend pee with the door open, but it's another thing when you're sitting on the couch and realize you can hear his kid peeing down the hall.
For example, my boyfriend was totally fine with letting his kid zone out in front of a Playstation for an entire Saturday afternoon. So it's up to you to point out that this makes you feel uncomfortable and is inappropriate. They practically beg me to take control of their kiddos at the restaurant. They're working, raising the kids, paying all the bills, doing all the housework, and are completely exhausted. I'm not saying you get to send them to their rooms or take away their phones. But sometimes they need to be told to CALM DOWN, STOP DOING THAT, ENOUGH! Because you aren't the parent, you get to do the easy disciplining, such as reminding them to eat over the plate because CRUMBS ARE GETTING EVERYWHERE, reminding them to go take a bath because it's bedtime already GEEZ HURRY UP, and hollering HEY STOP PULLING THE CAT'S TAIL when you hear the wee feline screech in pain. When you date someone who has a child, you're dating that child, too.
If this were "my kid," we would have been doing something else. Set the boundary with the boyfriend first -- in private. When they first started having babies, they freaked out if I told their toddlers, "No! Go Ahead and Fall in Love Let that child or children into your heart. Other people's children are such a blessing in my life, and I'm honestly very sad that I don't get to spend time with my ex-boyfriend's son anymore. One of the coolest things my cousin has ever done happened at her wedding.
Dating someone with kids when you still feel like something of a kid yourself can be a challenge.
It's not fair to the kids if you aren't going to stick around.I scoured the Internet for advice about dating people with kids. I got the same advice from multiple people: "Be yourself." OK, what next? We were on and off, and it wasn't the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.The only books I could find were about step-parenting. Considering the divorce rate in this country, I thought finding the advice would be easy. *crickets* My relationship with this man continued for... But I did learn a LOT about the kiddos and how to deal with them.Explain your boundaries to all parties, and KEEP THEM. I offered a ton of advice about what books to read. I have a ton of other thoughts about dating people with kids, but I want to hear YOUR advice now.Give Advice Here's the thing about all kids: They will listen to another adult before they listen to their own parents. Then, over time, I took it to the next level and offered advice about school, friends, food, movies, girls, etc. I may find myself in a new relationship that involves children one day, so I need as much advice on this topic as I can get.
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The truth of the matter is, women with kids can date whoever they want, whenever they want. Yes, we know they are the biggest part of your life and one day they will be the final factor in whether or not your relationship will work or not. Let him grow into his own thoughts and give him a chance to decide if this is a step he wants to take. Encourage him to keep his routine, his hobbies, his passions etc. If he’s one to shy away from change and you’re coming in and changing his lifestyle, he may stop giving the relationship an honest try. Even though it may be hard, try to avoid talking too much about them in the beginning, try to not share too many details of the parenting decisions you are constantly making on a regular basis and try to avoid asking for help in the beginning. You’ve been at it a while most likely, or you’ve already established your parenting techniques, methods and routines.